Guess what everyone? I'm still here
I am sorry I had to be gone for awhile again. I tried to work it out with my wife and it didn't happen. We got divorced in 2004. If you read my earlier post in Stay Tuned, you will find that I promised to tell you about the miracle that happened when we missed dinner that day.
Here's the scoop. I messed up. I couldn't control my anger when she made it home and went to getting on me about not having prepared everything for us to go. My son had soiled his diaper and I hadn't caught it yet. She had to change him and was mad while doing so. It made me angry that I didn't even get an I'm sorry for being late. Here I am getting talked to like a child for not being ready on time and we were ready. My son and I had been ready waiting on her even before I got the call from her at the store.
When she went to questioning why I didn't have this and that in the bag, I said to her in a mean and angry tone, "You get him ready then!" I walked outside to cool off. I stayed out there for a long time trying to get my emotions under control and give her time to get ready to go as well.
My family had not spent hardly any time with my son. Everyone that lived in Dallas at the time was at my sister's house. This was to be the great introduction. I kept repeating over and over. Eventually she came out side. I had told her when we met and several times before, "Do not ever follow me outside if we are in an argument." But she did and it caused more harm than good. Now, I have a very good memory and can remember things from my childhood. This my mom can attest to, but for the life of me I cannot remember what she said. My response included a cuss word at an object of the conversation, but not her. It came out before I could even think about what I was saying. She went back in the house and I stayed outside. 2-5 minutes later she came back outside and had our son with her. Got in her car after handing me the phone and left.
My sister was on the phone. She told me that there were still a few people there. She could sense that something was wrong with me or my wife had told her. At any rate she said to come on down. 2 pastors who were my friends were there and that it would be good for me to be around them. I said I was coming as tears welled up in my eyes and I watched my wife and son leave and for the first time I didn't know where they were headed.
I got off the phone with my sister and walked back in the house crying. I went to the restroom and sat on the toilet. Satan was there at the ready. Watching. Waiting. Telling me to just kill myself and I wouldn't have to deal with this any more. I was just about to do it too.
Right about that time, God spoke to me and said, "I still love you."
I heard the words of a song that I absolutely loved to hear my grandma sing. It started, " I love the Lord, he heard my cry!"
Even now as I write this I am crying because he did hear my cry and saved me from dooming my son to life without his Dad as I had been. Stay tuned for more, he ain't done with me yet!
Here's the scoop. I messed up. I couldn't control my anger when she made it home and went to getting on me about not having prepared everything for us to go. My son had soiled his diaper and I hadn't caught it yet. She had to change him and was mad while doing so. It made me angry that I didn't even get an I'm sorry for being late. Here I am getting talked to like a child for not being ready on time and we were ready. My son and I had been ready waiting on her even before I got the call from her at the store.
When she went to questioning why I didn't have this and that in the bag, I said to her in a mean and angry tone, "You get him ready then!" I walked outside to cool off. I stayed out there for a long time trying to get my emotions under control and give her time to get ready to go as well.
My family had not spent hardly any time with my son. Everyone that lived in Dallas at the time was at my sister's house. This was to be the great introduction. I kept repeating over and over. Eventually she came out side. I had told her when we met and several times before, "Do not ever follow me outside if we are in an argument." But she did and it caused more harm than good. Now, I have a very good memory and can remember things from my childhood. This my mom can attest to, but for the life of me I cannot remember what she said. My response included a cuss word at an object of the conversation, but not her. It came out before I could even think about what I was saying. She went back in the house and I stayed outside. 2-5 minutes later she came back outside and had our son with her. Got in her car after handing me the phone and left.
My sister was on the phone. She told me that there were still a few people there. She could sense that something was wrong with me or my wife had told her. At any rate she said to come on down. 2 pastors who were my friends were there and that it would be good for me to be around them. I said I was coming as tears welled up in my eyes and I watched my wife and son leave and for the first time I didn't know where they were headed.
I got off the phone with my sister and walked back in the house crying. I went to the restroom and sat on the toilet. Satan was there at the ready. Watching. Waiting. Telling me to just kill myself and I wouldn't have to deal with this any more. I was just about to do it too.
Right about that time, God spoke to me and said, "I still love you."
I heard the words of a song that I absolutely loved to hear my grandma sing. It started, " I love the Lord, he heard my cry!"
Even now as I write this I am crying because he did hear my cry and saved me from dooming my son to life without his Dad as I had been. Stay tuned for more, he ain't done with me yet!
posted by Anthony Brown | 4:17 PM
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